Dear Boy

So...
I was going through an envelope of homework I did while in high school. One of the things I found was a "Dear Boy" letter I had to write in Bible class.
And I decided to put it here. Because some of it is promises that I've made, and need to remind myself of over and over, so I don't forget them when the time is right. And some of it are things that every girl wants the man she loves to know. Some of the details are ridiculously out of date, but...the premise is the same. So...just bear with me here. Thanks. :-)

*~*~*~*~*

Dear Boy,

I have no idea who you are, where you live, or even what your name is. I don't know how or when I'll meet you, but I know it will all be right.
I want you to know that I'll love you, no matter what you're like.
I hope you'll remember that my birthday is in September, not in May, and that I like baseball, not basketball. Even if you don't remember, I'll still love you, but it would be nice if you knew.
I promise to remember what sport you play, and what position, and I'll never forget your number. I swear I won't hate you, even if you like the Red Sox, although I may tease you a bit. Just remember I like the Yankees.
I promise not to compare you to other guys, and I hope you'll try not to compare me to other girls.
Please remember that I need you to hold me, even if nothing looks wrong. And if you ask if something's wrong and I say no, I'm probably lying, so hold me anyway.
I promise that, while you're skateboarding or whatever else guys do, I won't worry about you (too much). I'll do my best to keep your friends' names straight, if you'll do the same for mine.
If I cry, please don't see me as weak or pathetic - just hold me close and love me. If you cry, I'll do the same.
I hope you'll love me for who I am, not for who you can make me. Please understand that, while I like Backstreet Boys and Plus One, I'll love you that much more, so please don't call them gay.
Please realize that, while I'll go to a hockey game with you a hundred times, I'd like to go see a movie with you, too, even just once or twice.
If we break up, I'll still love you, though I will be hurt. I'll get over it, and I'll still want to be your friend, if you'll let me.
Just promise me you love me, and I'll do my best to never let you down.
Please know that I pray for you all the time.
I love you.

~Kim

Love/Hate

I hate you.
I love you.
I need to get rid of you.
I can't let you go.
I'm so tired of your lies.
I hope you mean them all.
I'm never in as much pain or confusion as when you're around.
I never see the sun shine as bright as when you're around.
I hate that you know exactly what buttons to push.
I love that you know me so well.
I hate that I can never stay mad at you, even when you treat me like shit.
I love that you can always make me smile.
I hate that you keep coming back only when you aren't happy.
I love that you keep coming back when you're not happy.
I hate that I can't get your face out of my mind.
I love that I can always see your smile.
I hate that you only say "us" when you know I'm on the brink of walking away.
I love that you keep coming back to "us."
I'm so tired of your lies.
I hope you mean them all.
I need to get rid of you.
I can't let you go.
I hate you.
I love you.

Riding the Roller Coaster of My Life

Well...life takes some pretty crazy turns. And I'm not quite sure what's going on anymore.
Between my car not working, getting fired from my job, being frustrated with bills piling up... There's so much going on that I can't catch my breath anymore. And...it just keeps coming.

Gary's living with me now. And...catching me completely off guard...he and I may very well move to Manchester together at Christmas. I'm not making it public...and I'm only telling select people...but it's a very real possibility right now.

*sigh*

I'm much more calm than I should be...but I'm definitely feeling the strain of having no money coming in, but needing to pay bills. I also have to find an apartment for Gary and I in CT, so that we can move in once we get there. Which means that he and I need to save up enough money to move in 7 weeks. Plus line up jobs for once we get up there. And, oh, right, neither of us is working at the moment. And the cheaper options for this move are impossible because of the fact that the car isn't working... And while I want to fix it, I don't have the money to. And I can't sell it, because it will then leave me without a car once I get up to CT. Besides...between Gary and Sergio...the car should be able to be fixed relatively quickly once we move... But the moving up there is going to KILL ME in costs...

Grr... Sometimes I think I should listen to Mom and just marry for money. Life would be a hell of a lot easier that way... :-P

And we're not even going to go into my whole "no, I don't have a crush on Gary, even though we act like we're dating" situation.

*sigh* The thought of leaving here is both exciting and scary. Because...I miss my family and friends back home...and it will be nice to be near them. But...leaving here...leaving my friends and "family" here...will kill me. *sigh* Why can't I have them all in one place????


The last month has been a true test in faith for me... Faith that my bills will be paid. Faith that my needs will be met. Faith that...in spite of everything...what has been happening is truly what will be best for my life.
It's harder than it seems...