Dear Boy

So...
I was going through an envelope of homework I did while in high school. One of the things I found was a "Dear Boy" letter I had to write in Bible class.
And I decided to put it here. Because some of it is promises that I've made, and need to remind myself of over and over, so I don't forget them when the time is right. And some of it are things that every girl wants the man she loves to know. Some of the details are ridiculously out of date, but...the premise is the same. So...just bear with me here. Thanks. :-)

*~*~*~*~*

Dear Boy,

I have no idea who you are, where you live, or even what your name is. I don't know how or when I'll meet you, but I know it will all be right.
I want you to know that I'll love you, no matter what you're like.
I hope you'll remember that my birthday is in September, not in May, and that I like baseball, not basketball. Even if you don't remember, I'll still love you, but it would be nice if you knew.
I promise to remember what sport you play, and what position, and I'll never forget your number. I swear I won't hate you, even if you like the Red Sox, although I may tease you a bit. Just remember I like the Yankees.
I promise not to compare you to other guys, and I hope you'll try not to compare me to other girls.
Please remember that I need you to hold me, even if nothing looks wrong. And if you ask if something's wrong and I say no, I'm probably lying, so hold me anyway.
I promise that, while you're skateboarding or whatever else guys do, I won't worry about you (too much). I'll do my best to keep your friends' names straight, if you'll do the same for mine.
If I cry, please don't see me as weak or pathetic - just hold me close and love me. If you cry, I'll do the same.
I hope you'll love me for who I am, not for who you can make me. Please understand that, while I like Backstreet Boys and Plus One, I'll love you that much more, so please don't call them gay.
Please realize that, while I'll go to a hockey game with you a hundred times, I'd like to go see a movie with you, too, even just once or twice.
If we break up, I'll still love you, though I will be hurt. I'll get over it, and I'll still want to be your friend, if you'll let me.
Just promise me you love me, and I'll do my best to never let you down.
Please know that I pray for you all the time.
I love you.

~Kim

Love/Hate

I hate you.
I love you.
I need to get rid of you.
I can't let you go.
I'm so tired of your lies.
I hope you mean them all.
I'm never in as much pain or confusion as when you're around.
I never see the sun shine as bright as when you're around.
I hate that you know exactly what buttons to push.
I love that you know me so well.
I hate that I can never stay mad at you, even when you treat me like shit.
I love that you can always make me smile.
I hate that you keep coming back only when you aren't happy.
I love that you keep coming back when you're not happy.
I hate that I can't get your face out of my mind.
I love that I can always see your smile.
I hate that you only say "us" when you know I'm on the brink of walking away.
I love that you keep coming back to "us."
I'm so tired of your lies.
I hope you mean them all.
I need to get rid of you.
I can't let you go.
I hate you.
I love you.

Ahh, Womanhood

So...

I should have gotten up early and ran again today. I had every intention of doing so, actually.

I have PCOS, and therefore, have incredibly irregular cycles. Like, haven't had one since January and that's not at all unusual for me when I'm not on my medication. And don't get me started on the whole medication thing...
Anyway... Because I go so long between cycles, when I finally do get to that time, the first day is excruciatingly painful. Like, curl up in a ball on my bed, please don't disturb me, I'd rather lie here under 4 blankets than get up to eat, pee, watch a movie, anything. I could eat all the chocolate in Hershey, PA quite happily. And dear Lord, I will cry at the drop of a hat. Me. The girl who doesn't cry, ever. I will cry big old tears like it's me personally whose dog died when in reality I'm just watching a commercial.
I should have known it was coming when, last night at Carolyne's play, I was reading the program and all of a sudden felt like I was about to burst into tears. For no reason.
I also should have recognized that I tend to resemble a pregnant woman in her nesting stage just before I start my period. Which was exactly what was happening when I decided to finish my room in the last two days so that I could have my own nice cozy space back. (Which, as much as I adore my brother and am grateful to him for sharing his room with me, I'm so glad I did...just in time.)

In light of those things, I'm not sure why I was so surprised when I woke up this morning to discover that my body decided, after ten months, to "be a woman" again, but I was.

I had every intention of getting up early and running again this morning, but when I woke up in pain, I decided that there was not enough chocolate in the world to be worth getting up and running at that point.

I'll try again on Sunday.




Also, I realize that some of the stuff in here is a little bit personal...
Sorry for sharing any information you may not want to hear, but... I think that's the way it's gonna be. I want to just...talk about my life and about what's going on with me. I won't share anything I wouldn't say in person, but I want to be able to be honest and open. If I'm really bothering you but you just can't stay away (haha), you can say something and I'll try to tone it down.
Just wanted to give a fair warning.
:-P